HOW I BECAME A HINDU - My Discovery of Vedic Dharma By David Frawley -1

HOW I BECAME A HINDU

My Discovery of Vedic Dharma

By

David Frawley

(Pandit Vamadeva Shastry)

HOW I BECAME A HINDU

My Discovery of Vedic Dharma

By

David Frawley

(Pandit Vamadeva Shastry)

Foreword

We live in the age of science. The frontiers of our

knowledge are receding everyday. The method of

science is empirical: it uses experiment to verify or

to refute. Science has dispelled miracles from the

physical world and it has shown that physical laws

are universal. Technology had made astonishing

advances and a lot that was the stuff of religious

imagination has been brought under the ambit of

science.

Why should we then be interested in the subject of

conversion to Hinduism? Isn't this the age of

questioning old-style religion in the manner of

Why I am not a Christian by the great British

philosopher, Bertrand Russell, or the more recent

Why I am not a Muslimby Ibn Warraq?

David Frawley's remarkable spiritual

autobiography answers this question and many

more. In a fascinating narrative, he walks us

through his own discovery of how the stereotype

of Hinduism presented by schoolbooks as a

tradition of worship of many gods, social inequity,

and meaningless ritual is false.

Not that there are not social problems in Hindu

society, but these problems are a result of historical

processes, India's political and economic

vicissitudes of the last few centuries, and not

central to the essence of Hinduism. Apart from this

and, more significantly, he provides us a portrait of

living Hinduism as mirrored by his own life

experience.

Just as there can be only one outer science, so there

can be only one inner science of the spirit. One can

only speak of levels of knowledge and

understanding. The dichotomy of believers and

non-believers, where the believers are rewarded in

paradise and the non-believers suffer eternal

damnation in hell, is naive.

Also, since the physical universe itself is a

manifestation of the divine, the notion of guilt

related to our bodily existence is meaningless.

Modern science, having mastered the outer reality,

has reached the frontier of brain and mind.

We comprehend the universe by our minds, but

what is the nature of the mind? Are our

descriptions of the physical world ultimately no

more than a convoluted way of describing aspects

of the mind –the instrument with which we see the

outer world? Why don't the computing circuits of

the computer develop self-awareness as happens in

the circuitry of the brain? Why do we have freewill

when science assumes that all systems are

bound in a chain of cause-effect relationships?

Academic science has no answers to these

questions and it appears that it never will.

On the other hand, Vedic science focuses on

precisely these conundrums. And it does so by

gracefully reconciling outer science to inner truth.

By seeing the physical universe to be a

manifestation of the transcendent spirit, Hindus

find meditation on any aspect of this reality to be

helpful in the acquisition of knowledge. But

Hindus also declare that the notion that the

universe consists of just the material reality to be

false.

Here Hindus are in the company of those scientists

who believe that to understand reality one needs

recognize consciousness as a principle that

complements matter. We cannot study the outer in

one pass; we must look at different portions of it

and proceed in stages. Likewise, we cannot know

the spirit in one pass; we must look at different

manifestations of it and meditate on each to

deepen understanding.

There can be no regimentation in this practice.

Hinduism, by its very nature, is a dharma of many

paths. Thomas Jefferson would have approved. He

once said, "Compulsion in religion is distinguished

peculiarly from compulsion in every other thing. I

may grow rich by an art I am compelled to follow;

I may recover health by medicines I am compelled

to take against my own judgment; but I cannot be

saved by a worship I disbelieve and abhor.'' Not a

straitjacket of narrow dogma, Hinduism enjoins us

to worship any manifestation of the divine to

which one is attuned.

Yoga is the practical vehicle of Hinduism and

certain forms of it, such as Hatha Yoga, have

become extremely popular all over the world. This

has prepared people to understand the deeper,

more spiritual, aspects of Yoga, which lead

through Vedanta and the Vedasto the whole

Hindu tradition.

Hindu ideas were central to the development of

transcendentalism in America in the early decades

of the 19th century. That movement played a

significant role in the self-definition of America.

Hindu ideas have also permeated to the popular

consciousness in the West – albeit without an

awareness of the source – through the works of

leading writers and poets. In many ways

Americans and other Westerners are already much

more Hindu than they care to acknowledge.

Consider the modern fascination with spirituality,

self-knowledge, environment, multiculturalism;

this ground was prepared over the last two

hundred years by Hindu ideas. David Frawley is

one of the most prominent Hindus of our times. He

has made fundamental contributions to our

understanding of the Vedas; he has also written on

Ayurveda and other Vedic sciences. Most

importantly, he has urged a return to the Vedas as

a means to unlock the secrets of the scriptures that

followed.

He has shown how this key can reveal the meaning

behind the exuberant imagination of the

Puranasand the Agamas. It also unlocks the

mysteries of Hindu ritual. Frawley has also been at

the forefront of questioning the old colonial

paradigm within which Indian history and Hindu

religion had been situated by nineteenth century

Indologists.

He has done this through his writings and lectures

all over the world. His work shows the way not

only for the Westerner who wishes to understand

Hinduism but also for those Hindus who know

their religion only through the interpretations of

the Indologists.

The Gita says, "Both renunciation of works and

also their practice lead to the Supreme. But of these

to act rather than to renounce is the better path.''

Frawley's life story is a testimony to this wisdom of

following the path of action. Frawley's work is

informed by deep meditation and awareness of

larger forces of history. He is a modern rishi in the

same spirit as Vivekananda and Aurobindo.

Frawley's work has also shown the relevance of the

Vedas for the rediscovery of the forgotten past of

the Old Religion, pejoratively called paganism.

Ancient Hindus, Greeks, Romans, Celts, and

Babylonians knew that their religions were

essentially the same.

As the sole surviving member of the Old Religion,

Hinduism provides us many insights to recognize

the universality and perenniality of the spiritual

quest. David Frawley's discovery of Hinduism for

himself has eased the way for others who want to

reach the same goal.

His life story provides inspiration to all who wish

to be reconnected to the wisdom of our ancestors

everywhere.

Preface

The following book unfolds an intellectual and

spiritual journey from the West to the East such as

a number of people have traveled in recent times.

This journey moves from the western world of

materialism to the greater universe of

consciousness that permeates India and was the

basis of her older civilization.

As an inner journey it is more pilgrimage to the

spiritual heart of India than an outer visit. Yet it is

also a story marked by meetings with important

people, friends and teachers who connected me

with deeper teachings and guided me along the

way. This journey is not only through space but

also through time, into the ancient world and its

spiritual culture, such as India has maintained

better than any country. It is a reencounter with the

spiritual roots of humanity that we have long

forgotten or denigrated. The book shows how the

ancient Vedic world can come alive and touch us

today, not only as a relic of the past but as an

inspiration for the future. It is a return to the

formative stages of humanity, before we directed

our energy to the outer world and were still

connected with our cosmic origins.

Hopefully, the book can help reawaken this

original creative vision of the species that holds the

key of transformation for our present darker

world. In my books to date I have written little

about myself. This book is a departure and is

centered on my own life-experience. The book is

autobiographical in tone, but it is not so much an

account of my personal life as about how certain

changes occurred in my psyche. It focuses on an

inner transformation that fundamentally altered

who I am and changed my perception of both self

and world. In my case I simply didn’t build

bridges to the East, I crossed over them and left

them far behind. I immersed my being in the soul

of the East so completely that I almost ceased to be

a westerner, not only in my thoughts but also in

my instincts.

I moved from a western intellectual rationality to a

deeper cosmic rationality born of Vedic insight,

moving from a humanistic to a cosmic logic and

sense of cosmic law. I trace these changes in order

to make them accessible for others, should they

wish to follow a similar direction. I have recounted

my journey and the bridges over which I once

traveled, and how I experienced life while I was

still on the other side, so that others can take a

similar path. I moved through western culture to

the yogic culture of India that seemed ever more

expansive, enlightened and happy.

I sought the source of that tradition in the ancient

Vedas, the oldest wisdom teachings of India, which

became my spiritual home and in which I found an

untapped treasure house of inexhaustible insight.

It was a great adventure with many interesting, if

not amazing experiences that transcended my

earlier worldview and brought me into a new life

and consciousness.

But the journey was arduous and quite

challenging. I often thought of turning back and

actually did so for certain periods of time. I fell

down many times but always eventually got up

and kept on going. I had to go beyond not only my

own personal and family background but beyond

my entire culture and education. This involved

breaking with well-entrenched ideas, opinions,

habits and feelings. I had to disconnect with the

world around me and reconnect with a different

world within me. Sometimes I felt like a stranger in

a strange land, but if I did try to go back to the old

world, I quickly left, finding it to have lost depth

and meaning.

The result is that I now look at the Vedic tradition

from the inside, as part of my family, as part of my

very own blood and breath. I don’t view Hinduism

with the cold eye of an academician or the starry

eyes of a curious and gullible Westerner looking

for a new fantasy. I view it as our deepest heritage

as human and cosmic beings, as divine souls

whose destiny is to bring a higher consciousness in

to the world. I have become a worker in this field

and hope that my contribution encourages others

to join this great cause.

For this book I would like to thank my many

teachers and friends and the many Hindu

organizations that have helped me in this cause.

Most are mentioned in the book, but notably B.L.

Vashta, K. Natesan, Avadhuta Shastri, Subhash

Kak, N.S. Rajaram, Ashok Chowgule, Swami

Satyananda, Ram Swarup, Sitaram Goel and Arun

Shourie. The Vedic tradition and Hindu Dharma

belong to all. Those who reject it are still part of it.

Those who try to limit it to a particular sect or

point of view don’t have the full picture. Until we

reconnect with such deeper spiritual impulses we

must remain immature as a race and have a culture

that, however technically advanced, leaves us

unhappy and spiritually destitute.

Let us counter this negative trend in civilization by

looking once more to the noble spiritual origins

from which we came! The Vedas and the Rishis are

true and their influence can overcome any

obstacles personally or collectively.

May we honor them once again!

(Dr. David Frawley Santa Fe,

New Mexico USA December 16, 1999)

INTRODUCTION

ENCOUNTERING HINDU DHARMA

Most of us are familiar with accounts of how a

person has changed from one religion to another,

becoming a Christian, Muslim or a Buddhist. In the

modern world we are coming to recognize

pluralism in religion just as in culture, ethnicity or

language. There is no more only one true religion

for everyone than there is only one true race,

language or way of life.

However, going from Christianity to Hinduism is a

rarer story, particularly for a westerner, because

Hinduism does not aim at conversion. Many

people think that Hinduism does not take new

members at all. It is also a more complex tale

because Hinduism is not only a religion, but also a

culture and, above all, a spiritual path.

To enter into Hindu dharma involves much more

than a shift of belief or accepting a new prophet. To

really understand Hindu dharma requires taking

on a new way of life, of which religion is only one

aspect. As a pluralistic system Hinduism does not

require that we hold to a single belief or savior or

give up an open pursuit of truth.

This makes the change into Hinduism less

dramatic, overt or disruptive to a person’s life and

for that reason harder to trace. One does not need

to make a statement of faith to become a Hindu but

simply recognize the importance of dharma.

In my case it was not a question of a quick

conversion like accepting Jesus as one’s personal

savior or surrendering to Allah. Nor was it the

result of a concerted effort to convert me by

religious preachers speaking of sin or redemption,

or of religious intellectuals trying to convince me of

the ultimacy of their particular philosophy or

theology.

It was a personal decision that occurred as the

result of a long quest, a finishing touch of an

extensive inner search of many years. The word

conversion is a misnomer and a term that I dislike.

How can we be converted into anything? We can

only be who we are. Understanding who we are is

the Hindu and Vedic path.

It is not about conversion but about self-knowledge

and about cosmic knowledge because who we are

is linked to the entire universe. Hinduism is not

about joining a church but about developing

respect for all beings, not only humans but plants

and animals as well. It is not about a particular

holy book but about understanding our own minds

and hearts.

It is not about a savior but about discovering the

Divine presence within us. For most people in the

West becoming a Hindu resembles joining a tribal

religion, a Native American or Native African

belief with many gods and strange rituals, rather

than converting to a creed or belief of an organized

world religion.

Discovering Hinduism is something primeval, a

contacting of the deeper roots of nature, in which

the spirit lies hidden not as an historical creed but

as a mysterious and unnamable power. It is not

about taking on another monotheistic belief but an

entirely different connection with life and

consciousness than our western religions provide

us.

THE HINDU TRADITION

Hinduism is the oldest religion in the world with a

tradition going back to the very beginning of what

we know of as history over five thousand years

ago. It is the third largest of the world’s religions,

with nearly a billion members or one-sixth of

humanity. It is the largest non-biblical or, to use a

pejorative term, pagan tradition remaining today.

As such it holds the keys to the pre-Christian

beliefs that all cultures once had and many people

still retain. Hinduism is the world’s largest

pluralistic tradition. It believes in many paths and

recognizes many names and forms for God, both

masculine and feminine. It contains many sages,

many scriptures and many ways to know God.

Its emphasis is not on mere belief as constituting

salvation but on union with the Divine as the true

goal of life. Hinduism is a culture containing its

own detailed traditions of philosophy, medicine,

science, art, music and literature that are quite old,

venerable and intricate. It is the foundation of

Indian culture that is rooted in the Sanskrit

language which first arose as Hinduism's sacred

language.

Most importantly, Hinduism is a great spiritual

path with yogic traditions of meditation, devotion

and insight, in which religion in the outer sense of

ritual and prayer is only secondary. Its wealth of

teachings on mantra, meditation, prana, kundalini,

chakras and Self-realization is perhaps

unparalleled in the world.

Because of its cultural and spiritual sides some

people say that Hinduism is not a religion but a

way of life. Yet though it is a way of life Hinduism

is also a religion in the sense that it teaches about

God and the soul, karma and liberation, death and

immortality. It has its holy books, temples,

pilgrimage sites, and monastic orders like other

major world religions. Hindus have a deep faith in

their religion and its traditions.

Thousands if not millions of Hindus have died for

their religion in the many holy wars that have

targeted them over the last thousand years. They

refused to convert even when faced with threats of

death and torture. Both Christianity and Islam

found converting Hindus to be particularly

difficult, not because Hindus responded to assaults

on their religion with force, but because their faith

in their own religion and its great yogis was

unshakeable.

The western mind characteristically downplays

Hinduism’s importance as a religion. In many

contemporary studies of world religions Hinduism

is left out altogether. Because it has no overriding

one God, single historical founder, or set creed,

Hinduism is looked upon as a disorganized

collection of cults. Few westerners know what

Hinduism is, or what Hindus believe and practice.

Most are content with negative stereotypes that

make them feel comfortable about their own

religions. If Hinduism is mentioned in the western

media it is relative to disasters, conflicts or

backward social customs. It is the one religion that

is still politically correct to denigrate, if not belittle.

There is also a general impression that Hinduism is

closed, ethnic or castist creed and therefore not a

true world religion.

This is strange because historically Hinduism

spread throughout South Asia and specific ways of

becoming a Hindu are described in many Hindu

teachings. Hinduism could not have spread so far

if it was not expansive in bringing in new

members.

Many Hindus seem to confirm these ideas. A

number of Hindu teachers say that they will make

a Christian a better Christian or a Muslim a better

Muslim, as if Hinduism had nothing better or

unique to offer. They often apologize about being

Hindus when asked about their religion. They say,

"Yes I am a Hindu, but I accept all other religions

as well," which includes religions that do not

accept Hinduism!

Some Hindu temples, particularly in South India,

will not allow westerners, that is people of lighter

skin color, to enter even if they have already

formally become Hindus. Other Hindus simply

don’t know how to communicate their tradition.

The result is that the more universal or liberal

aspects of Hinduism are forgotten. Or they go by

another name in the West as Yoga, Vedanta or the

teachings of a particular guru, in which case they

can become popular all over the world as many

modern spiritual movements have demonstrated.

DISCOVERING HINDUISM THROUGH VEDAS

In my case I came to Hindu Dharma through the

Vedas,the oldest tradition of Hinduism. This was

an unusual way because the Vedas are so old that

most Hindus know little about them, following

instead more recent teachings. People in the West

have no real idea what the Vedas are either. They

see Hinduism through a few prominent images

like Shiva, Krishna and the Goddess or a few

famous modern gurus and are not aware of the

older foundation of this multifarious tradition.

Most Hindus know their particular sect or guru but

have little recognition of their tradition and its long

history.

Even Hindus who speak of the glory of the Vedas

generally can’t explain Vedic teachings in detail.

By the Vedasthey usually mean the Upanishadsor

the Bhagavad Gita, not the older Vedic texts.

Western academia believes that the Vedas are only

primitive poetry, tribal rites, or some strange

babbling that arose from shamanic intoxications.

At best, for the more spiritually enlightened, the

Vedas are regarded as the lesser growths from

which the greater unfoldments of Yoga and

Vedanta arose or diverged.

For me, however, the Vedasbecame revealed not

only as the source of the Hindu tradition but as the

core spiritual wisdom of humanity. I could say that

I am more a Vedic person, a Vedicist if your will,

than simply a Hindu in the ordinary sense. This

might better describe what I think to the modern

world. But I can’t draw a line between Hinduism

and Vedic dharma, though some people might try

to.

Overcoming Anti-Hindu Stereotypes

Hinduism is a religion with many Gods and

Goddesses, with strange images of many heads,

many arms or animal features. It teems with magic

and mysticism, with gurus and god men and their

miraculous powers and enlightened insight. Much

of this appears erotic or even violent to us,

accustomed as we are to no images in religious

worship or to only a few holy images like Christ on

the cross or the Madonna with her child.

Hinduism appears like a form of brainwashing or

mind control, a cultish religion with little to offer a

rational and humane western mind.This negative

idea of Hinduism is shaped by missionary and

colonial propaganda that we have been

bombarding India with for centuries. Hindus

continue to be among the main targets of world

missionary efforts.

The missionaries highlight the poor, sick and

outcasts of India as needing salvation – the victims

of a backward religion that we must help them

escape from. We focus on the poverty of India

today as the measure of the Hindu culture and

religion, emphasizing, if not promoting social

problems in India as a means of encouraging

conversion.

Encountering Hinduism, therefore, means

questioning our very idea of what religion should

be. Hinduism is overflowing with variety and even

contradiction. One could say that there are more

religions inside of Hinduism than outside of it.

Everything that we find in human religious activity

from aboriginal rites to insights of pure

consciousness is already there in the great plethora

of Hindu teachings and practices.

Hinduism is not only connected with many Gods

but with the formless absolute – the mysterious

immutable Brahman beyond not only the Gods

and Goddesses, but even beyond the Creator. It has

a place for monotheism but regards monotheism as

only one aspect of human religious experience, not

the measure of it all.

Hinduism accepts all human approaches to

religion, including its rejection, being willing to

accept atheists into its fold. It does not try to

circumscribe the abundance of life in any formula.

It can even accept Christianity as another line of

religious experience but not as the only one or

necessarily the best.

Hinduism is not passed on by memorizing a creed,

though it does have clearly defined and highly

articulate teachings and philosophies. It is

intimately connected with the Earth, nature,

society and our daily activities from eating and

breathing to sleeping and dying.

Hindu Dharma sees itself not as manmade but as

part of cosmic creation, an emanation of the cosmic

mind. It aligns us with the cosmic religion that

exists in all worlds and at all times. It is a way to

link with the cosmic life, not a belief that we can

retreat into like a shell or like a fortress.

The Question of Becoming a Hindu

Why would anyone, particularly a modern and

educated person born in the West, want to become

a Hindu, much less feel proud in calling himself

one? How could a person find value in the

primitive Vedic roots of this ambiguous religion?

After all, the term Hindu connotes an ethnic

religion mired in caste, idolatry, and the

oppression of women. It appears anti-modern,

inhumane, if not embarrassing for those who

would follow it.

A forward thinking person could not take on such

an identity, or could he? Is it a mere seeking of

emotional security? Indeed, many intellectuals out

of their own doubts, perhaps an inherent

emotional weakness of the intellectual mind, have

embraced regressive creeds. Intellectual apologists

can be found for every strange ideology.

Even Hitler and Stalin had them. So praise for an

ideology or religion even by an intelligent person

cannot be taken without skepticism. At the same

time we cannot ignore the fact that there is much in

the world that goes beyond our current cultural

preconceptions.We are beginning to appreciate the

deeper meaning of myths and symbols, which

Hinduism abounds in. We are gaining a new

respect for meditation and yoga to reach a higher

awareness beyond the pale of religious dogma. We

are recognizing the distortions born of

Eurocentrism and western materialism and

revising our estimate of native cultures.

That we might have to revise our ideas of

Hinduism from colonial, missionary or Marxist

perceptions is without doubt. Yet even those who

have embraced Indic spiritual traditions like Yoga

generally find the appellation of being a Hindu to

be unappealing. Being a Buddhist, a Christian or a

Muslim seems more universal, even recognizing

that these traditions may lack the diversity and

richness of Hinduism.

The term Hinduism has become quite tainted and

seldom connotes anything high or noble to the

mass mind. In addition many enlightened thinkers,

particularly from India, believe that we should go

beyond all outer identities whether cultural,

national or religious. After all, our true nature is

not Hindu, Christian, American, Russian, or

anything else.

We are all human beings with the same basic urges

and inclinations. So why have any religious

identity at all? The age of religions is over and we

should be entering an age of spiritual search

without boundaries. Such thinking misses the

point that Hinduism is not a credal religion based

upon a person, institution or dogma. Hindu

dharma welcomes the spiritual search without

boundaries. In fact, its great variety of teachings

and methods provides a good foundation for a free

individual search, which otherwise as an isolated

effort may not go far, just as free inquiry in science

benefits from a broad and open tradition of science

to draw from.

Most people in the world are not at the level of

high spiritual practices or ready to renounce the

world. They need religious teachings, including

prayers and rituals to shape their work, social and

family lives on an ethical and devotional level. But

such religious teachings should be broad based,

containing something for all aspects of society and

connected to the highest truth as well. Hindu

Dharma provides all this in a powerful way.

We should not forget the facts of our individual

existence and the organic connections of our lives.

Each one of us has a certain life span. We live in a

certain place and partake of a certain culture. We

have our particular temperament and individual

inclinations. All this shapes who we are and how

we approach the higher Self.

Only a rare soul can transcend the influence of

time and even he or she must consider the forces of

time, just as one cannot avoid being affected by the

food that one eats. The yoga tradition considers

that unless a person has purity in body and mind

he cannot transcend them. Similarly, unless we

have harmony in our culture and life-style it is

very difficult to go beyond them. Unless we have a

culture that supports the spiritual life, few will be

able to pursue it. Culture is the soil on which we

grow like a plant to open out into the boundless

sky.

We cannot ignore nurturing the soil of culture in

our seeking of the unlimited beyond. Hinduism

with its broad spiritual culture offers this ground

on which to grow. It contains the abundant

creative forces and variety of nature itself.

Unfortunately, certain religions hold that they

alone are true and that other religions are unholy

or dangerous. This divisive and exclusive idea of

religion is the real problem, not religion per se,

which is a necessary part of human culture. Yet

this narrow idea of religion has so dominated the

western world that most people take it for granted

as representing what religion really is, which

makes Hinduism with all of its diversity seem

almost incomprehensible.

Religion, in the original meaning of the word,

means to link together. It should provide us tools

for self-realization, enabling us to unfold our full

divine potential. In this process we will probably

need to follow a certain teaching, with specific

disciplines and practices. We cannot follow all

religions any more than we can eat all food or

perform all jobs. We will probably also become

part of a spiritual group or family. We cannot have

everyone as a mother or father. We usually have

our lineage and our transmission in the spiritual

life, just as in other aspects of life.

Indeed such connections are more important in the

spiritual life because spirituality is more intimate,

more interior and less capable of being transmitted

in an outer, mechanical or mass-produced way

than other aspects of culture. Some people argue

that the name Hindu is inappropriate because it is

not traditional. After all the great rishis and yogis

didn’t call themselves Hindus but simply spoke of

truth and dharma. The reason for this lack of

definition is that Hinduism is an open tradition.

It is not defined versus an other as are Biblical

traditions that reflect a dichotomy of Christianpagan

or Muslim-kafir. Many Hindus have only

become conscious of being Hindu because of the

negativity they have encountered from Christians

and Muslims trying to convert them. Sanatana

Dharma or the universal dharma is a more correct

term and reflects the broader basis of the Hindu

tradition. Unfortunately, it is cumbersome and

unfamiliar. The terms "dharmic" and "native"

traditions are also helpful because Hinduism

grows out of the land and is connected with life

itself. But Hinduism is the convenient term;

whatever limitations may be associated with it.

So we must define it in an appropriate manner.

This is to face our own prejudices about Hinduism,

which are probably more deep-seated than we

would think. Why should we object to the term

Hindu for such a broad tradition, while accepting

the names for much narrower religions?

This prejudice against the Hindu religion reflects a

built in prejudice against non-Biblical beliefs. The

western pattern of religion as one true faith, along

with a missionary effort, is used as the standard for

all proper religion. Missionary aggression is

associated with universality in belief, while

tolerant religions that see no need to convert the

world are condemned as merely ethnic or tribal

beliefs. Buddhism is more respected than

Hinduism in the West because it at least has the

one historical Buddha to relate to and a more

homogenous and missionary type tradition.

Buddhism can be placed in the western model of

religion, but without a Creator.

Hinduism, on the other hand, calls up all our

misconceptions about religion. For that reason it is

a good place to enlarge our views and gain a

greater understanding of our global religious

heritage, most of which does not lie in western

monotheism. In my case I came to Hindu dharma

after an earlier exploration of western intellectual

thought and world mystical traditions, a long

practice of Yoga and Vedanta and a deep

examination of the Vedas. In the process I came

into contact with diverse aspects of Hindu society

and with Hindu teachers that few westerners have

access to, taking me far beyond the range of the

usual perceptions and misconceptions about the

subject.

Such direct experience, which was often quite

different than what I had expected or was told

would be the case, changed my views and brought

me to my current position. Hopefully my story can

help others change from taking Hinduism as

something primitive to understanding the beauty

of this great spiritual tradition that may best

represent our spiritual heritage as a species.

EARLY YEARS

GROWING UP OUT OF CATHOLICISM

I always had a certain mystical sense, going back to

early childhood. Whether it was looking at the sky

and gazing at the clouds or seeing distant snow

covered mountains, I knew in my heart that there

was a higher consciousness behind the world. I felt

a sacred and wonderful mystery from which we

had come and to which we would return after our

short sojourn on this strange planet. The human

world seemed like a confined sphere, a prison

filled with conflict and suffering, marked by the

clash of human emotions, shifting desires and

instinctual needs. But beyond was a wide and

beneficent universe with open arms ready to

embrace us if we would but set aside our human

compulsions.

The question was how to reach that other realm or

if it were even possible while we are alive and

active in this vale of sorrow. Though one could

glimpse that higher realm in quiet moments there

was always the travail of the human world in

which one had to live, which seemed inescapable. I

had trouble reconciling this mystical sense with the

idea of religion that I contacted through my

Catholic background. Both my parents grew up on

dairy farms in the Midwest of the United States

(Wisconsin) and came from strong Catholic

backgrounds. My mother’s family in particular was

quite pious and a pillar of the church where they

lived, following all the church observances and

donating liberally to its causes.

One of her brothers was a priest, a missionary in

South America, and he was regarded very highly,

pursuing a very noble and holy occupation.

Generally one son in the family would become a

priest. My mother thought that I would become the

priest in our family. I did have a religious

disposition and for most of my childhood tried to

be pious, but somehow I couldn’t really connect

with the church or its beliefs, which were as

frightening as they were appealing.

With their trappings of suffering, sin and guilt

Catholic beliefs seemed more part of the human

world rather than that other magical realm where

human turbulence couldn’t enter. My parents were

the first generation off the farm in the post-war era

and came to live in the city. Because of their

Catholic background, which at that time was

against any form of contraception, they were

compelled to have many children like their

parents. Many children in the city didn’t mean

more helpers as on the farm but only more mouths

to feed and more expenses for education.

My mother had ten children by the time she was

thirty-five, with a new baby every two years. I was

the second child, born when she was twenty-one. I

had one elder brother, seven younger sisters and

one younger brother. The family size inevitably led

us into financial difficulty. My parents were the

first casualties of the church mind that I would

soon come to oppose. The most memorable events

as a child were our weekend visits to my

grandparent’s farm (on my mother’s side), which

was still in the old world and almost European.

They had a huge house, as well as a big farm with

barns, cows and a wide pasture. They had large

dinners, holiday gatherings and a sense of family

togetherness extending through several

generations.

Though our lives gradually moved away from this

traditional Catholic religious background, it was

there at the beginning and foundation of my life. It

lingers here and there in my dreams, like a shadow

out of which I gradually emerged.

Younger Years as a Catholic

I attended Catholic school until the fifth grade or

about the age of ten years old (I was born in 1950).

I tried to be devout, attending mass, doing prayers

and following the commandments. I shied away

from being an altar boy, however, feeling nervous

about appearing in public. The sense of Catholic

guilt, however, was enormous and came to block

my piety. We were taught of venal and mortal sins.

Venal sins would land us in purgatory where we

would be summarily tortured, but the suffering,

however bad, would eventually come to an end.

Mortal sins would take us to an eternal hell from

which there was no possible redemption. Venal

sins were generally simple things like disobeying

one’s parents or teachers.

Mortal sins were another matter. Some mortal sins

were obvious criminal acts, like robbery or killing a

person, which violate all sense of ethics and fellow

feeling. Other mortal sins, however, consisted of a

merely ignoring of church injunctions like missing

church on Sunday, missing confession or the other

sacraments. By the first standard I shouldn’t go to

hell. By the second I had missed some church

obligations so I was definitely a candidate for the

eternal fires.

Children take such punishment threats quite

seriously, particularly those who are more

sensitive. In retrospect we can perhaps laugh at

them as strict ways of training children, like a

strong stake for a young tree, but their effect on a

child’s psyche should not be underestimated.

Perhaps being sensitive I was more inclined to

believe such injunctions, but after all, didn’t they

come from God and his holy church?

Going to confession was another great fear of mine.

The problem was that I was afraid to tell the priest

my sins, thinking that they were much worse than

they actually were. I felt that I was probably the

only or the worst offender of religious rules. I

didn’t seem to notice that I was more pious than

the other children were, including my brothers and

sisters. I also did the usual childhood pranks, like

irritating the nuns who taught us, which I felt were

probably mortal sins as well. The result was that I

didn’t confess all my sins and my guilt got worse. I

also felt that the sins got worse, though in

retrospect my real failing was taking such religious

rules seriously at all.

I remember doing prayers to atone for my little

sins, which seemed like major soul failings at the

time. These prayers were called "indulgences" and

allowed us to get rid of our potential punishment

after death. Each prayer would say something like

"good for two hundred days in purgatory,"

meaning that its recitation would save a person

from that amount of suffering after death.

My problem was that I couldn’t figure out exactly

how much time in purgatory my sins merited. But

at least it promised away to eradicate my sins

without having to announce all my dastardly

deeds to the priest. Yet it didn’t deal with the

greater problem of my few mortal sins which

weighed on me and caused much worry and

anxiety. Later the church ended this business of

indulgences and no longer prescribed time off of

purgatory for its prayers.

I doubt that God was informed that the church

changed his laws. But that came long after I left the

church. Of course there were the usual childhood

activities, with sports in school and the general

issues of growing up that brought about their own

joys and stresses, but the Catholic religion loomed

behind with its strange doctrines, threats and

demands, spoiling the innocence and happiness of

childhood. No doubt it has done this for many

children throughout the world, who then as adults

feel compelled to perpetuate the same abuse on

their own children in the name of becoming good

Christians.

Another question I had was, if belief in Jesus and

following the ways of the church guaranteed that

one would go to heaven, why should one make

any effort beyond it? What was the need for any

extreme piety or saintliness? The nuns told me two

things. First the usual purgatory idea, that even

minor sins had great punishments, though not in

hell. Second, if one was particularly good one got a

bigger house in heaven, with saints having great

mansions. I wasn’t quite certain what a house in

heaven might be, and the whole thing seemed

suspicious.

And what would one do for eternity in heaven,

which sounded like a glorification of life on earth?

I always pondered about things and never merely

accepted them at face value. I tried to figure out

why something is so and what it really means. As a

child I began to think about religion as well.

I soon realized that we are supposed to take

religious matters as articles of faith, which means

to be quiet and accept them, however odd they

may appear. Such faith is usually a veil for our

human needs or for superstitions that cannot stand

scrutiny. I couldn’t suppress myself from thinking

in the name of faith in something, like the miracles

of Jesus, which had little to do with me and

seemed impossible. The figure of Jesus on the cross

that we saw during mass was rather gruesome and

unpleasant. One didn’t want to look at it. We were

told that we had all killed Jesus.

We were responsible for his death by our sins,

which were terrible in the eyes of God. But then I

never knew Jesus and since he lived two thousand

years ago, how could my actions have affected

him? I could never really relate to the image of the

sacrificed savior who saves us, we who cannot

save ourselves. I also began to notice that we all

have our personal failings, including the nuns that

taught us who had evident tempers and not much

patience. The whole thing didn’t seem to be as God

given as we were told it was.

The Christian God who had to sacrifice his own

son to save humanity was a figure of both fear and

enigma. This strange God created the devil as well.

And of course we were all afraid of the devil and

his retinue, particularly at night or on Halloween.

This strange God was distant and unapproachable

and yet demanded so much of his creatures.

He had to allow his only begotten son to be killed.

With all his omniscience one would think that he

could have done better with his own creation or

better helped his church. The idea of a personal

God who dispensed rewards and punishments

seemed more like some irrational despot than any

sense of the transcendent. Yet religion offered

some means of access to that other mystical world,

or at least I thought that it did. Christmas with its

dark snowy nights and the birth of the Divine child

had something fascinating that kept my mind and

heart attracted.

So though my faith was disturbed I still held on to

it, hoping that something better would come from

it. I remember first encountering Protestants, or

rather realizing that the people nearby followed a

dangerous religious heresy. The church taught us

that Protestants were deluded Christians who were

all going to hell. Protestants denied the authority of

the church and the infallibility of the pope, which

were not to be questioned by a good Christian. At

first I was hesitant to associate with them, feeling

bad for their plight, wondering how much they

would suffer in hell. I was suspicious about them

as if they had some sort of plague.

But boys will be boys and play games together,

regardless of their family faiths. Later I learned

that Protestants were human beings like we

Catholics and, as boys to boys were just other

friends. These great religious divides, like strict

religious rules, appeared manmade or part of a

special world outside of life that people found it

convenient to ignore.

We moved to Denver, Colorado shortly thereafter

and never again returned to the Midwest. While

we had already lived in Colorado for brief periods

before this time we had always returned to

Wisconsin and I had previously not escaped the

influence of my Catholic world there. Now that

world would pass away.

In the American West I came into contact with the

beauty of the Rocky Mountains and felt their

mystical power. I transferred my devotion to these

snowy peaks. Catholicism for me was mainly of

the Midwest, the farmhouse and my grandparents.

In Colorado the beauty of nature and the

mountains dominated over the church, which

seemed out of place in the greater universe where

there are no manmade boundaries.

Science and History/ Leaving the Church

We moved at first to the suburbs in Denver, which

was a big city. Unlike the small towns in which we

had mainly lived, it opened me up to broader

cultural influences. This was particularly so since,

owing to financial constraints, we had to enter

public school for the first time. The public schools

removed me from religious indoctrination. My

mind grew under new stimulation. At first we

were wary of public school, because in parochial

(Catholic) school we were taught that public school

was dangerous. It was irreligious, didn’t teach

about God, and allowed people to mix regardless

of their faiths. I had to learn to compartmentalize

religion, forget its rigidities, and just be in school

with other children.

As school children it seemed to matter little what

our religious background was and it was seldom a

topic of discussion or consideration. In my first

year of public school I become deeply interested in

science, particularly astronomy in which we had a

special class that entranced me. The Catholic

schools of the time had little by way of science

classes. Soon I was reading books on physics,

cosmology and relativity. I may not have

understood the details but my view of the universe

made a radical shift. I began to connect my innate

mystical sense with the scientific vastness of a

cosmos unbounded time and space. Compared to

these great vistas of science the Catholic Church

appeared narrow and backward.

In a couple of years I bought a telescope from the

money gained by summer jobs that I had done.

Later I got larger telescopes. I spent many hours as

a young teenager looking up at the stars at night. It

was not just a hobby or an interest in science but

part of a mystical quest. It once more gave me a

sense of that greater universe of consciousness and

the cosmic lights that shimmered behind our semidarkened

world.

I also read many books on science fiction that

helped spread my mental horizons and widen my

imagination. There were other planets and

different types of intelligent life far more advanced

than we are and no doubt having higher religions

and philosophies as well. Life contained many

other possibilities that I was beginning to discover,

moving beyond the boundaries of my rigid

religious beliefs. I was always fascinated with

history, which public school also had more to offer.

At first it was American history that intrigue me,

including the settling of the West, about which I

sympathized with the Native Americans who

seemed more the victims than the aggressors in

this continental saga. The history of World War II

was a big topic of the then post-war era.

This led me to a special study of European history

from about the age of fourteen. Europe had a much

broader and more diverse culture and a longer

history that drew my curiosity. European history

brought me in contact with the history of the

church with its political and military popes and

anti-popes. I learned of the many religious wars in

Europe like the bloody Thirty Years War in the

seventeenth century that resulted in over one third

of the population of Germany getting decimated.

I learned about the European extermination of the

Native Americans under Cortez and Pizarro. I

began to see the dark side of my Catholic religion.

My lingering religious sentimentality and

childhood nostalgia for the church gradually

faded.

 

Om Tat Sat
                                                        
(Continued...) 

(My humble Thankfulness to Brahmasree David Frawley (Pandit Vamadeva Shastry)  for the collection)